4 Ways to Get Off The Guilt Trip Train and on The Happy Wagon
Everyday I am grateful for the wonderful happy life I have been given and everyday I question WHY ME?
I live what would by all appearances be described as a Blissfully Happy Life. I wake up to birds singing and a freshly brewed pot of coffee. I have a husband who works hard and provides a comfortable life. I have two beautiful , happy but more important healthy girls. I have a life that most envy. Yet behind all my smiles, I am always wondering why this is my life.
I have seen so many of my family and dear friends suffer. I watched my sister go through the heartbreak of miscarriage and the roller coaster of IVF. I avoided a friend after she delivered a her son who was stillborn because I couldn’t take away her pain. I have held the hand of a friend who almost lost is life in an accident while on his way to have lunch with me. I have spent the night on the oncology ward of a children hospital while my child received blood transfusions, to find out she was allergic to milk and we happily walked out of the hospital the next day, all the while thinking of the moms who wouldn’t walk out with their babies. Why? Why was I spared any of that pain?
All aboard the Guilt trip train...tickets, tickets please.
Guilt happens to everyone in some form, yet no one really talks about it.
“How are you doing today?”
“Me? Oh I am just over here guilt trippin over my blissfully happy life, how bout yourself?”
( crickets commence)
Why aren’t we talking about it? Are we afraid that by admitting it out loud we will some how jinx ourselves and the universe will respond with giving us grief?
Who in their right mind would be guilty over having a happy life? But what I am talking about is more than your average “ I ate the whole cake and washed it down with ice cream kinda guilt”. No, this guilt is much more ….This creeps up on you out of the middle of nowhere. This guilt rushes through your veins like glass and stops your heart. It paralyzes you for a moment and transports you back in time. It brings back voices, conversations, smells and sights. It doesn’t miss one detail. Its powerful and its all knowing. Its unforgiving. It is so so much more than guilt.
I'm not sure the word guilt itself is big enough to describe the feeling that takes over. I am not sure that there is a word big enough to describe that kind of emotion. Its sadness, its anger, its love, and its happiness all in one. What a chaotic mad wonderful emotion. Something so powerful that it takes you back in time to a place of hurt but brings you back and makes you grateful for everything you have.
You may have been on this kind of guilt train trip before so you know it doesn’t lead to anywhere unless you get off as quickly as possibly.
Here are the 4 steps I go through when I am on that train about derail and I need to get off and get back on the highway of happiness.
Grace- Allow yourself the grace to feel the guilt. Give yourself those few moments to stay there in that moment and feel those emotions. Let your heart and mind take it all in. Keep breathing through this.
Forgive- This is CRUCIAL say it out loud scream it at the top of your lungs. “I forgive myself. I am on a journey and this is part of it. My destiny is written and so is that of others. I am not the cause of others pain but I can be light.”
Give Thanks- This sounds so simple but when you are feeling guilty over having a good life even being thankful for it brings on more guilt. But if you are breathing and the sun is shining and Give thanks!
Finally, BE THE REASON! Be the reason someone smiles. Do something that will bring joy to someone and your heart will thank you. It will forgive you. It will help heal you and all the suffering and heartache will not be in vain.
When you learn to recognize and then embrace this guilt, you learn to control and you can use it in the most powerful of ways.
It will come back. But this time you will be prepared for it.
You can live a happy life and question why.
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